Sunday, July 11, 2010

I'm tired

I'm sorry, but perhaps I'm not.

You might also feel the same.

I am just tired of trying.

Dead tired ... exhausted.

My life used to be so easy, so steady, so constant.

What ever happened to turn this all upside down and over and out?

I know that it is not only me ... let's look at our own lives.

There are times in our lives when it seems our bodies are running on empty.

We become tired, useless, literally sick within our own bodies.

We may or may not be sick, nor are we necessarily pushing ourselves to the limit—rather, the energy we typical enjoy has mysteriously dissipated, leaving only fatigue.

Many of us grow into feeling this way because we might not know that it is possible to exist in any other state.

However, deep inside of us exists a spiritual self, our own body’s natural state.

However, once again, there exists a balance of energy, clarity, and calm.

That balance is our spirituality and our faith.

Once we discover, or rather realize, these realities as our own life sustaining virtues, we can move forward in healing.

Cultivating these virtues in our own bodies so that we can combat feelings of depletion is a matter of developing a refined awareness of our situation or condition, and then make changes based upon our observations.

Typically I end these Wandering Thoughts with optimism for our own growth and an optimism for our spirit.

However, this Wandering Thought comes from loneliness, so I do not know where this will lead us.

This Wandering thought comes from a loneliness that is so deep, it cuts through the bone, and it terrifies me.

I was alone in New York the other day, and I missed my partner.

Now, I understand that we all need time alone, however, I don't do that well.

I do understand though, that even those of us who are social butterflies need some time for ourselves in order to tend to the colors of our wings which help to make us unique to the pleasure of others.

Solitude is necessary for meditation and quiet reflection, as well as appreciation of those whom we love.

Often, it is the solitude from our relationships which helps us to appreciate our love for others.

I speak with my own Mom more often when she is thousands of miles away than I do when she is about the corner.

I miss my partner terribly when I am less than one mile from home.

I have friends who I can't bare to be one email away from, and I have family who can pick up a conversation three months in, as well as others who are concerned if I miss my weekly cocktail with them.

Life is a gift; family and friends are the wrapping that you just don't want to tear open without saving for later use.

Back to topic, we sometimes choose to isolate ourselves when we are busy and need to meet a deadline, or when we have a heavy burden.

One friend of mine has finally learned that "radio silence" from me means a time for prayerful meditation.

When we choose such "radio silence", we may cherish the time to be alone while we give ourselves over to art or music, lose ourselves into a good book, or delve into a personal project.

Sometimes we need to be alone to simply do nothing but enjoy the sounds of silence,
and listen to the whispers of which I wrote in my last post of quiet whispers.

Regardless of what we choose to do, our alone time revitalizes and replenishes us, grounding us into our own company, thereby solidifying us within ourselves.

I have a very dear friend in New York who always reminds me to take "Rob Time".

I also have an equally dear friend nearby who reminds me to "seize the moment".

Easier stated than done.

Typically, I tend to withdraw when my feathers hit the fan.

However, too much isolation, especially when our intention is to hide, withdraw, or not deal with the realities of our lives is not physically, mentally, or spiritually healthy.

As we grow into our lives, we age and are presented with challenges.

Some of us deny them and others embrace them.

My belief is that it is those of us who strongly embrace our challenges with faith, survive.

That might sound to be a strong statement from someone like me, and I typically do not write in this manner.

However, it is during moments similar to mine, when being in isolation takes us away from our lives, rather than enhancing it.

If anything, too much isolation can create a buffer whereby we believe we do not have to deal with our problems, and so we neglect them.

On the other hand, dealing with our issues and allowing others into our lives who care about us, rather than isolating ourselves,is one of the best gifts we can give to ourselves as well as accept from others.

We have been granted the gift of friends and family, which truly are one in the same.

Now, granted, it is important for us to have our "alone" time; however, we need to remember that as human beings, we are by nature social creatures who on human contact.

Our lives cannot occur in a vacuum, and we cannot fully live in this world without interacting with others.

That was not God's plan.

However, we may consider using the times we might feel the need for isolation in the form of a spiritual retreat in silence, in order to rest, transform, and grow.

With prayers for insight, silence, and use of our daily lives,

and with so much love,


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