Saturday, April 17, 2010

Burdensome Feelings

Burdensome Feelings ...

Blaming Others.

During my Education for Ministry class this past Sunday, we discussed "letting go". More specifically, letting go of "blame".

Such a silly word.

If you say it a few times, it just begins to sound ridiculous.

Blaming sets up a situation in which it becomes difficult to move forward and puts resolution in the hands of others.

As we begin to truly understand that the world outside of us is a reflection of the world inside of us, we may feel confused about who is to blame for the problems in our lives.

If we had a difficult childhood, we may wonder how we can take responsibility for that, and in our current relationships, the same question arises.

We all know that blaming others is the opposite of taking responsibility, but we may not understand how to take responsibility for things that we don’t truly feel responsible for.

We may blame our parents, teachers, and elders for our low self-esteem, and we may blame our current partner for exacerbating it with their unconscious behavior.

Objectively, this seems to make sense. After all, it is not our fault if others were irresponsible or unkind, and we are not to blame for our partner’s bad behavior.

Perhaps the problem lies with the activity of blaming.

Whether we blame others or blame ourselves, there is something aggressive and unkind about it.

It sets up a situation in which it becomes difficult to move forward under the burdensome feelings of shame and guilt that arise. It also puts the resolution of our pain in the hands of someone other than us.

Ultimately, we cannot insist that someone else take responsibility for their actions; only they can make that choice when they are ready.

In the meantime, if we want to move forward with our lives instead of waiting around for something that may or may not happen, we begin to see the wisdom of taking the situation into our own hands.

We do this by forgiving others, even if they have not asked for our forgiveness, so that we can be free. We end our abusive relationships with those who may never admit to any wrongdoing, because we are willing to take responsibility for how we are treated.

In short, we love ourselves as we want to be loved and create the life we know we deserve. We leave the resolution of the wrongs committed against us in the hands of God, releasing ourselves to live a life free of blame, allow ourselves the gift of forgiveness.

With love, light, and forgiveness,



  1. Rob,
    I want to thank you for posting your thoughts on blame. It brought up my past and a great realization of the unfortunate journey I traveled for several years of my life with blaming others for my lack of responsibility. It was just easier on my part, althought the long term results were lost relationships and strained body and mind.
    When I look at my life today, my stress and enjoyment of relationships is at peace with my spirit. I enjoy each and every day of my life realizing we don't know how many we have on this earth. Surrounding my life with positive people and enjoyment of them are what make my life the best it can be.

    Continue writing your wonderful thoughts, you have a gift of writing, but a more important gift of touching people's lives in a very positive light!


  2. Thank you for your own positive reflection here and for your beautifully supportive emails.

    It is very rare that anyone actually responds to my blog, as most people receive my Wandering Thoughts by email.

    I am only up to 50 or so on my email list, but there are some unknown followers, and that's fine ... it's for them, not me.