The Dance of Intimacy

Coming Back to Center in a Relationship

Frank & I joined a friend today in celebration of his union in marriage to the love of his life.

We were welcomed by family & friends, and we enjoyed an afternoon of hospitality and wonder-filled conversation with not even one moment of quiet lapse.

Graciousness abounded, and we were quite content with the beautiful energy that surrounded us.

So now we send this couple off to begin a new stage in their intimate relationship, but I must take this as an opportunity to build upon our own 22 year relationship.

Twenty-two years .. almost half of my earthly existence.

How blessed am I?!

Relationships are challenging, but the rewards outstay the trials ... if we are lucky.

I am lucky.

However I appreciate the realities and difficulties of life and growth.

I believe that growth, as in the growth of a tree, is a valuable key in a relationship.

Anyone in a long-term relationship knows that the dance of intimacy involves coming together and moving apart.

Early in a relationship, intense periods of closeness are important in order to establish the ground of a new union.

Just as a sapling needs more attention than a fully grown tree, budding relationships demand time and attention if they are to fully take root.

Once our relationships become more established, the individuals in the union begin to turn our attention outward again, to the other parts of our lives that also matter, such as work, family, and friendships.

This is natural and healthy.

However, if a long-term relationship is to last, turning towards one another recurrently, with the same curiosity, attention, and nurturing of earlier times, is essential.

In a busy and demanding world full of obligations and opportunities, we sometimes lose track of our primary relationships, thinking they will tend to themselves, and that is a mistake and neglect of the love that we have for our partners.

We may have the best intentions when we think about how nice it would be to surprise our partner with a gift or establish a weekly date night, yet somehow, life gets in the way.

We may think that our love is strong enough to survive without attention.

Even mature trees need water and care if they are to thrive.

One of the best ways to nourish a relationship is through communication.

If we feel that a distance has grown between us and our partners, we might be able to bridge the gap by sharing how we feel.

We tend to tell our friends how much we love them, but we often neglect expressing our feelings and emotions to our partners.

This is not to say that we need to accept blame or regret.

However, this is a call for us to focus instead on the positive, which is the fact that we want to grow closer together.

Sometimes, just acknowledging that there is distance between us has the effect of bringing our relationship into balance.

In some cases, more intense effort and attention might be required.

We may want to set aside some time to talk with our partner and come up with solutions together.

At any rate, we must remember to have compassion for each other.

We are in the same boat together and we try to maintain the ballast, the right balance of space and togetherness to keep our relationships healthy and thriving.

It is when we express faith and confidence in our partner that we can enjoy the slow dance of intimacy.

Love is a gift from God which is meant to be shared, and no one can take that away from us.

There are many people we love ... friends, spouses, family ...

We need to give thanks with every heartbeat for those we love, and accept their love in return.

Lastly, you know what?

I love you.

Rob

Gazing Upon Goodness

The Importance of Seeing the Good in All

Sometimes, adversity and bad times happen to us.

On a recent trip, I had my wallet stolen.

I responed in anger, but only as an affect of the violation I felt.

The anger did nothing for me and only served to almost lose an important day and special time with good friends.

It is important to see that there is good in all we experience and there are blessings in every aspect of our reality.

The potential for grace exists in all beings, even those who offend or hurt us through deception.

Our perception shapes the lives we lead because the universe adjusts itself almost instantly to our expectations.

When we look for negativity, we are bound to come across it in abundance.

Conversely, we create positive energy when we endeavor to see the goodness around us.

As easy as it is to criticize the people and situations that frustrate or hurt us, we do ourselves a disservice in the process.

It is important to see the good in all as there are blessings hiding in every aspect of our outer-world reality, and the potential for grace exists in all human beings.

When our lives are flooded with challenges, grief, and pain, we may be tempted to believe that some individuals or incidents are simply bad.

However, if we look for the good in all, good reveals itself to us, easing our doubts and reminding us that the universe is a place of balance, and we rise above the situation, denying negativity to grab a hold of us.

There is a perceptible energetic shift that takes place when we choose to see the good in all.

The unnecessary tension that comes into being when we dwell on negativity then fades away and is replaced by sympathetic tolerance and understanding.

We can forgive those who have wronged us because we recognize in them traits we admire, and we may even discover that we can bring out the good in one another as forgiveness is offered.

This requires a spiritual strength which can seem daunting, yet enriches our own being.

Though loss still grieves us, we recognize the beginning of a new phase of existence that abounds with fresh opportunities.

Each new challenge becomes another chance to prove ourselves, and we learn to show great patience in the face of difficulty.

There are few pleasures greater than gazing outward and seeing beauty, wisdom, and harmony.

These are the attributes of the universe that help us to cope when we encounter their opposing forces.

Since we create our own reality, we make our world a better place each time we acknowledge the good in our circumstances and in the people we encounter.

As we draw attention to the positive aspects of the world around us, our understanding of the affirmative nature of all existence will grow.

There are few lessons we will learn in this life that will prove as instrumental to our happiness and satisfaction.

In appreciating the all pervasive goodness that exists in the universe, we internalize it, making it a lasting part of our life.

So, it is important and crucial that we let go of the negative happenings that occur to us and we focus on the positive side of each experience.

Perhaps we do have a third eye within us, and perhaps we can use that to seek a balance of peaceful tranquility when adversity and happenstance affects us in order for us to maintain a peaceful existence.

Perhaps that third eye exists in order for us to look within ourselves.

Wishing you peaceful insight and balance,

Rob

I'm tired

I'm sorry, but perhaps I'm not.

You might also feel the same.

I am just tired of trying.

Dead tired ... exhausted.

My life used to be so easy, so steady, so constant.

What ever happened to turn this all upside down and over and out?

I know that it is not only me ... let's look at our own lives.

There are times in our lives when it seems our bodies are running on empty.

We become tired, useless, literally sick within our own bodies.

We may or may not be sick, nor are we necessarily pushing ourselves to the limit—rather, the energy we typical enjoy has mysteriously dissipated, leaving only fatigue.

Many of us grow into feeling this way because we might not know that it is possible to exist in any other state.

However, deep inside of us exists a spiritual self, our own body’s natural state.

However, once again, there exists a balance of energy, clarity, and calm.

That balance is our spirituality and our faith.

Once we discover, or rather realize, these realities as our own life sustaining virtues, we can move forward in healing.

Cultivating these virtues in our own bodies so that we can combat feelings of depletion is a matter of developing a refined awareness of our situation or condition, and then make changes based upon our observations.

Typically I end these Wandering Thoughts with optimism for our own growth and an optimism for our spirit.

However, this Wandering Thought comes from loneliness, so I do not know where this will lead us.

This Wandering thought comes from a loneliness that is so deep, it cuts through the bone, and it terrifies me.

I was alone in New York the other day, and I missed my partner.

Now, I understand that we all need time alone, however, I don't do that well.

I do understand though, that even those of us who are social butterflies need some time for ourselves in order to tend to the colors of our wings which help to make us unique to the pleasure of others.

Solitude is necessary for meditation and quiet reflection, as well as appreciation of those whom we love.

Often, it is the solitude from our relationships which helps us to appreciate our love for others.

I speak with my own Mom more often when she is thousands of miles away than I do when she is about the corner.

I miss my partner terribly when I am less than one mile from home.

I have friends who I can't bare to be one email away from, and I have family who can pick up a conversation three months in, as well as others who are concerned if I miss my weekly cocktail with them.

Life is a gift; family and friends are the wrapping that you just don't want to tear open without saving for later use.

Back to topic, we sometimes choose to isolate ourselves when we are busy and need to meet a deadline, or when we have a heavy burden.

One friend of mine has finally learned that "radio silence" from me means a time for prayerful meditation.

When we choose such "radio silence", we may cherish the time to be alone while we give ourselves over to art or music, lose ourselves into a good book, or delve into a personal project.

Sometimes we need to be alone to simply do nothing but enjoy the sounds of silence,
and listen to the whispers of which I wrote in my last post of quiet whispers.

Regardless of what we choose to do, our alone time revitalizes and replenishes us, grounding us into our own company, thereby solidifying us within ourselves.

I have a very dear friend in New York who always reminds me to take "Rob Time".

I also have an equally dear friend nearby who reminds me to "seize the moment".

Easier stated than done.

Typically, I tend to withdraw when my feathers hit the fan.

However, too much isolation, especially when our intention is to hide, withdraw, or not deal with the realities of our lives is not physically, mentally, or spiritually healthy.

As we grow into our lives, we age and are presented with challenges.

Some of us deny them and others embrace them.

My belief is that it is those of us who strongly embrace our challenges with faith, survive.

That might sound to be a strong statement from someone like me, and I typically do not write in this manner.

However, it is during moments similar to mine, when being in isolation takes us away from our lives, rather than enhancing it.

If anything, too much isolation can create a buffer whereby we believe we do not have to deal with our problems, and so we neglect them.

On the other hand, dealing with our issues and allowing others into our lives who care about us, rather than isolating ourselves,is one of the best gifts we can give to ourselves as well as accept from others.

We have been granted the gift of friends and family, which truly are one in the same.

Now, granted, it is important for us to have our "alone" time; however, we need to remember that as human beings, we are by nature social creatures who on human contact.

Our lives cannot occur in a vacuum, and we cannot fully live in this world without interacting with others.

That was not God's plan.

However, we may consider using the times we might feel the need for isolation in the form of a spiritual retreat in silence, in order to rest, transform, and grow.

With prayers for insight, silence, and use of our daily lives,

and with so much love,

Rob

Beneath The Noise, Peace Awaits Us

I don't seem to hear as well these days.

I used to pride myself on being able to hear several conversations at a time in a crowded and noisy setting, and I used that to my advantage in my career. However, lately I seem to have to ask for many conversations to be repeated.

I thought of a friend of mine who wears a hearing aid, and probably enjoys the opportunity to lower it and peacefully reflect as chatter increases in an active room.

There is a quiet whisper that reassures us that everything is okay and it delivers its message with quiet confidence.

We may have noticed that if we want to speak to someone in a noisy, crowded room, the best thing to do is lean close and whisper.

In the 1970s, there was a television commercial to that effect for Nuance perfume ... "If you want to capture someones attention, whisper".

We live in such a busy world of loud noises.

At any time, one can tune in to any one of several news programs, only to hear up to eight people on a split television screen yelling over one another in disagreement.

Yelling in an attempt to be louder than the noise in a room generally only hurts our throat and adds to the subsequent chaotic atmosphere that abounds within the noise.

Similarly, however, there is a strong yet very quiet voice within us that does not even try to compete with the mental chatter that exists on the surface of our minds, nor does it attempt to overpower the volume of the raucous world outside.

It simply waits in silence for us to listen, and is often ignored and neglected.

However, despite its subtle nature, it holds more power that all of the loud and angry voices combined.

It is only when we want to hear it that we need to choose to tune in to that soft, soothing voice that holds so many answers and so much peace for us.

Generally, the more insistent voices in our heads deliver messages that deliver feelings of panic or fear, and are also of questionable authority as they strip us of our faith and meditation.

These voices may generate from childhood fear, or from societal culture.

As such, they barely represent half truths and their urgency is disconnected from our center and balance, which is what catches our attention.

The soft, soothing whisper inside of us -- which is our faith -- reassures us that there is a calmness within the tempest, and that everything is actually okay and offers us a quiet confidence.

Once we hear this, we know it speaks the truth, and we we allow it to capture our attention, the other voices and sounds, previously dominant and negative, fade into the distance and no longer have control over us.

We may even find that our own communications in this world can begin to be influenced by the quiet certainty of this peaceful whisper.

Perhaps we will be less inclined to participate in idle chatter as we become more interested and in tune to the whisper of truth that broadcasts its message like the sound of the wind shaking the leaves of a tree.

As we align ourselves more and more with this quiet whisper, we become an extension of that whisper, and we penetrate the noise of the world, generating a peacefulness with truth and confidence in our faith.

Wishing you peaceful quiet,

Rob

The Anxiety Of Change & Making It Work For Us

Changes in our lives can be daunting, frightening, and intimidating.

When we find ourselves going through any type of change, our natural response may be to tense up on the physical, mental or emotional level.

We might not even take note that we have braced ourselves against a shift in our being until we recognize the anxiety, mood swings, or worried concern about the unknown which lies before us.

However, there are positive ways to traverse through change without resisting the change in a negative way, or denying that it is happening.

Change will always occur in almost every aspect of our lives, and we can learn to respond to it in an affirmative manner of anticipation, welcoming the new while releasing the past with grace, similar to the way a butterfly might be anxious about its change to beauty from larva.

We can only imagine what beauty lies ahead for us.

We can achieve such perspective by changing the labels we use to identify our feelings about change.

We can reinterpret feelings of anxiety as do the anxious butterflies that come with eager expectation and look for the good that lies ahead for us in the faith which will carry us forward.

Change is at the root of all growth, and we need to allow it to work for us, not against us.

Transformation is a universal constant that is with us in every breathing moment from birth until we leave this earthly existence behind us and move forward.

Sometimes, change and the circumstances leading to it are a source of great joy and celebration.

However, the reality is that most changes are a source of fear, discomfort, and sometimes pain.

Change is unavoidable.

We should never believe that we are subject to the whims of God and the unpredictable universe and forces of nature. However, it is in our response to these circumstances that dictate the outcome of our experiences.

At the heart of every change, each transformation, exists substance.

It is when we no longer fear change, and accept it as an opportunity to evolve, we find that we are far from helpless.

When we choose to make change work in or favor, we can internalize its power, accepting that we cannot hide from the changes that take place in and around us every day.

Existence, as we know it here, will come to an end at one or more points in our lives.

However, those ends makes way for new and exciting opportunities of being.

Such transformation might not take place at our choosing, but it is up to us to decide if we will open our eyes to the blessings which are hidden beneath disorder or if we close ourselves off from the opportunities which lie ahead.

So, to make change work for us, we need to look constructively at our situation. and ask ourselves how we can benefit from the transformation that has taken place.

As threatening as this might seem, it is often a sign that a new era of our life has begun, and so we should embrace it.

If we reevaluate our plans and goals in the days and weeks following a major change, we will discover that we can adapt our ambitions and our trust to the circumstances.

Optimism, enthusiasm, and faith aid us greatly here.

There is nothing to be gained by dwelling on what might have been.

Change can hurt in the short term, but if we embrace it proactively, its lasting impact will be intellectually, physically, and transform us spiritually.

With love & light,

Rob

The Weight of The Past

A friend of mine recently grappled with some regrets of her past with respect to the way she feels she could have done more for someone who has since died, as well as other concerns.

It can be very difficult to let go of our regrets when we look back, and it is so clear to see what we could have done better in retrospect as well.

However, holding on to regret is like dragging the past along with us wherever we go.

It drains our energy and prevents us from living our lives at the moment as we continue to feed the residual feelings of an old issue.

This sort of attachment to feeling can breed illness in the same way that watering a dead plant causes decay of the soil.

When we lose a plant, we know that something new and beautiful can grow in that same soil, if we prepare the soil properly and plant the right seeds.

We also know that we create our lives through our thoughts and minds, so dwelling on our past might actually create or recreate a situation in our lives where we are forced to make a choice or perform an action time and again.

We can choose, however, to move forward right now by applying what we have learned to our present situations, perhaps even sharing our learning with others, therefore transforming a negative element into something that is constructive, positive, and helpful to ourselves as well as others.

Forgiveness is the soothing balm that heals the painful wounds of regret.

Through prayerful meditation, we can imagine discussing the issue at hand with the self of our past, and offer forgiveness in return through what we have learned from our experiences.

In return, we can also ask ourselves for forgiveness for allowing our selves to be inhibited by feelings of regret.

We may also ask forgiveness from anyone else who might have been affected by our actions or take this opportunity to offer our own forgiveness.

If we replay the event which concerns us in our minds, we can choose a new ending through imaginative reflection, using what we have learned.

This will allow us to virtually return to the event, make the changes we need in order to right it, and then say goodbye to it in comfort that we know what we did wrong, what we would do to correct it, and what we will do in the future.

Once done, we can return to the present and release our former self with a hug and bring forgiveness and love back to the present.

We are typically our harshest critics, and it is amazing how powerfully healing it can be to offer love to oue own selves.

By keeping our minds and our energy entirely in the present, we allow ourselves to fuel our physical and emotional healing and well being in the present day.

It is then that we free our energy to create our own dreams for the future, taking responsibility and action in order in the present in order to release the past.

With love & light,

Rob

Finding Deep Strength

We all have times in our lives when we truly believe we don't have the strength to carry on.

However, we do have that strength, and we can carry on.

We have all faced moments in our lives when the pressures of our various commitments and situations mount far beyond what we feel we can handle, and we find ourselves believing that we just no longer have the strength to carry on and continue.

Perhaps we overcame a major obstacle or illness, only to find another one waiting for us; as though that proverbial light at the end of the tunnel is just another train wreck headed straight for us.

Catching our breath between these trials seem to only allow us to drown.

At times we suffer one loss after another, and we wonder if we will ever enjoy a respite from life's travails.

It never seems fair or right that life should push us harder and demand more of us when we believe we have given all we can.

This, however, is life.

When we look back upon our lives, we see that we have in fact survived many trials and tribulations and we have surmounted many obstacles; quite often to our own amazement.

In each instance, we broke through our concepts of how much we could handle and we delved deeper into our own reserves.

We have no concept of what our faith and stamina provides us.

At times, when we feel we do not have the strength to handle the situations that life has dealt us, it is as though we are against the hard type of surface of a frozen lake.

Our obstacle, or challenges as they are, appear as an impenetrable, hard, cold fact.

However, once we break through it, we find that a deep reservoir of energy and inspiration was trapped beneath that hard, cold surface.

Sometimes we break through this ice by cutting a hole into our resistance with our willpower.

Other times we melt away the ice with the warmth of compassion.

Either way, we endure and we walk away with a renewed realization of our values and strength in our confidence of the faith which keeps us alive; the Spirit that exists within us.

When we find ourselves breathless and against that frozen between us and our faith and the very oxygen it provides, and we think we cannot handle the situation we are presented with, we may just find it best to choose to love ourselves as well as the resistance we face.

We can simply accept that we are overwhelmed, exhausted, and tried, and we can allow ourselves to accept our internal loving kindness and compassion, giving our situation into the loving warmth our our Creator's care.

If we can channel the unconditional warmth of God's love, before we know it the ice will melt away and turn to a warm and refreshing spring.

With love & warm waters,

Rob